I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
