that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize