I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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