trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
