What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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