I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
