with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The Olympian is in my bed
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
