My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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