Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize