i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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