i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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