Soap is not a condiment
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
