You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
