Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
