Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
