the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
