My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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