This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We had to coat check the pizza.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
