I'm going to jail i love you
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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