Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
