I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
