I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize