There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
