HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
