I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize