it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
