i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
