WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
