i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize