Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize