I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
