dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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