I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
