you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
