I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
