you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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