do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
