is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
