She said her name was "party"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
