he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
