every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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