Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
