yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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