i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
