the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
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