Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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