The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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