I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize