did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i need some magic done to my vagina
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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