new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
