just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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