if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
