so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
