I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
