Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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