Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
