The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize