so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
