He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
