I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
