gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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