I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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