It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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