If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize