honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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