Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
