you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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