I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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