your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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