I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
