She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
don't judge my taste in strippers
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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