dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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