marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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