After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He shit in the fireplace
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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