I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
