how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she peed on how many people?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
