She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
