I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
