I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
This toilet bowl is my home.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
