I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Let's get the cat blown out
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
