So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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