Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
