and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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