Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize