Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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