Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
