My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize