Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize