It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
