The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
