It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
