Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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