I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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