Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
