Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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