i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
As shirtless as possible
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
